Life in a war zone can be days of boredom and monotony, interrupted by moments of excitement, terror or fear. Often it is the “what if’s” that plague combat veterans in the years to come. What if we had turned right instead of left? What if I had been in that spot? What if we had never gone? Traumatic events can be life changing, but often we’d like to wipe them from our minds completely.

For many veterans, we return from war, leave military service, and become busy with civilian careers and raising a family. These moments, fears and thoughts (memories of war) become stored away, pushed back to a remote shelf, out-of-sight, out-of-mind for months, years or even decades. On occasions, these memories fall off the shelf, come back to our awareness, triggered by a smell, sight or sound associated with a combat experience. These triggers can be as harmless as smelling burning trash, hearing loud sudden noises or watching news reports on current conflicts. Even anniversary dates of past combat events, unbeknownst to the vet, can kick these memories back into our awareness.

Usually, we become skilled at putting these back on the “shelf.” However, when we’re physically tired, stressed or enduring a physical illness or disease, these memories “fall off the shelf” more often. It’s also quite common for the memories to return when we have more time to “think,” such as retirement. When they return, the vet may experience nightmares, intrusive thoughts (remembering things when you don’t want to), feelings of dread, guilt, a foreshorten future (feeling as if you’re living on borrowed time), excessive worry, paranoid about home security or being anxious and angry for no apparent reason. If this happens, does it mean the veteran is sick, has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Not necessarily.

Serving in a combat zone is a major life event for the vet and family, to put it mildly. The expectation that we can simply turn-off these memories and go back to “normal” is unrealistic and denies us a part of our lives that was/is very important. It’s normal to have these memories return throughout our lives, but what you do with them is the key. Returning memories are our mind’s way of getting us to deal with them upfront. Keep in mind, though, that these memories are not perfect and become less accurate in a matter of a few days, let alone years, after the event.  So, how can we go after these memories? How can families help?

Not doing anything and letting these memories roll around in our heads won’t help. We need to get them out of our head and out on paper or out in a conversation. Talking about them does not create the emotions, nor does it make them worse. It’s merely releasing what’s already there, releasing what’s been kept inside. Often, vets try to protect their families, shield them from the experience and won’t share. This is okay, but get them to talk with a trusted friend, another vet, or a minister … it doesn’t have to be a professional. Listeners don’t have to have the answers. Don’t try to fix the vet or debate, but instead show interest, be patient, and try to understand and accept.

Many dislike being called “heroes.” They just see themselves as having done their job. Validate what they’re saying and feeling, stating something like, “You have every right to feel that way… no one but you knows what it was like.” The vet can create a private audio or video journal just for personal use or perhaps to share with others. Create a photo story board or collage, original snapshots or images from the Internet that capture the events. It’s true if you didn’t go (to combat) you wouldn’t know what it’s like, but that doesn’t mean you can’t help them come to peace.

Dr. Vaughn DeCoster is an associate professor of Social Work at USI and specializes in trauma, emotion, and working with older adults. His scholarship explores the therapeutic use of photographs in mental health treatment. He recently finished eight years of service in the Army Reserves and commanded a combat stress team in Baghdad during the surge in 2006-07. Vaughn is also a member of the planning committee for the Mid-America Institute on Aging, co-sponsored by the University of Southern Indiana and SWIRCA & More. More information is at http://health.usi.edu/chaw/default.asp.